Change

I haven't posted here in so long, but blogging seemed a much favourable option over revision so here I am. I was inspired to write after I stumbled across this passage earlier:

"Oh how sweet the light of day,
And how wonderful to live in the sunshine,
Even if you live a long time, don't take a single day for granted.
Take delight in each light-filled hour,
Remembering that there will also be many dark days
And that most of what comes your way is smoke.

You who are young, make the most of your youth.
Relish your youthful vigor,
Follow the impulses of your heart.
If something looks good to you, pursue it.
But also know that not just anything goes;
You have to answer to God for every last bit of it.

Live footloose and fancy free -
You won't be young forever.
Youth lasts about as long as smoke"


I can't get over how relevant this is to me right now. I've recently discovered the wonders of being a little bit spontaneous and impulsive. University has been such an incredible experience so far. This year has been a year of change for me, in such a positive way. I went into fresher's week determined to no longer be "the quiet one", as I have been for the past 7 years, and I most definitely succeeded. I also fulfilled my dream of having tea parties every night. Independence is such an amazing thing. I even miss doing my own washing a little bit!

I have made the most amazing friends. I am so excited to get to know quite a few more people better over the rest of the year. I already have an awesome house lined up for next year. I adore Oxford, there really is no place quite like it. Moo Moo's, Patisserie Valerie, The Alternative Tuck Shop, all fill me with such joy! I love walking by the river each morning as I leave college. I cannot wait for summer for punting and picnics. Oxford is so beautiful, no matter how many times I wander its streets or cycle to lectures I still cannot get over it.

This holiday has been so nice so far. Seeing friends at their universities with their totally different lives has been weird but wonderful. I love London. I love Exeter.

I've adored seeing all the bests again :) I love how nothing has changed.

I am so very excited for next year!

and also

actually so happy for one person right now. finally getting the things she deserves..
jealousy but in a totally non-bitter way, so all is well :)

i can tell

this is going to start off as one of those annoying ambiguous blogs that i get so annoyed about
but yes, pretty much wishing that person was me. although also not. don't want to go back to that stupid circle of thoughts!

social isolation times. revision days turn me insane. cannot wait until sunday, and will actually finally be that age which means i can join everyone else + not miss out on hilarioustimes :)
new mascara made me happy today :) and also have been discovering the wonderfulness of films these past couple of months. Saw forrest gump for the first time ever yesterday, made me realise that intelligence can be a curse sometimes. Forrest gump is literally the best person in the world, and I wish he was real. But then he was actually pretty intelligent too. Confused. I guess we just define intelligence in the exam sort of way which is actually pretty stupid. Sometimes i wish i could just be simple in faith, i'm forever brought back to that Bible passage (can never remember where it is). Instead I over-think everything and anything, and try and explain every single action or thought that I or anyone else has.

But life is still pretty awesome despite exam stressstresss... in exactly 6 weeks it will all be over.
Which is the most extreme mix of terrifying and exciting.

Style advisor at topshop = immense! So much fun. So jealous of how incredibly cool this girl looked but also combined with complete effortlessness and total knowledge of everything clothes related but also really lovely and not up herself. Free champagne! Feeling like a hypocrite for buying leggings. But bought some awesome brogues which pretty much made my life.
People are amazing right now.

SUMMER = italy kos reading. this is what i'm most excited about at the moment. and also 18th party which will be immense, feeling silly for getting so stressed out about selling tickets. cannot wait to wear my ball dress that I bought months ago :) :) :)

I only seem to write these after reading others' blogs, not really sure why. I think it inspires me to write, seeing as how much i enjoy reading others'. I hate how I always read these back and cringe, but ah well. Lost a bit of that joy of living recently, and I think I know why. But happy, as always :) long ramble much. bye.

what pretty much

...made my life today was discovering the names of both mrj and tcj, and also hearing both of their voices, which are actually the most ridiculous voices I've ever heard. And also constraining myself not to laugh at the invisible legs of both mrj and gnome maths man as they came within feet (haha) of each other in the library corridoor. I do appreciate that this blog is almost entirely non-sensical, but I feel the need to express my joy at these occasions.

Also, tonight I plan to write a letter to my 22-year-old self in my diary, on Vicki's instructions. I have realised that 22 is only 5 years away, and it is going to be very cringy when I read it. For goodness sakes, it's cringy reading what I wrote a week ago.

I want to write this blog more often, but I think I use it more of a distraction than anything else. And of course to check all the PostSecret updates :) Last week was crazy and wonderful with snow days and such and made me think about how the world is actually pretty beautiful when it wants to be:

It was taken in the woods very close to my house, while on a rather lovely walk. I don't go on walks enough. I've decided that I'm going to spend less time watching TV, or on facebook. But I really doubt that's going to happen.

And also, life is actually scary and proper real now as I accepted my offer and now it's like, future cannot be all fuzzy and ignorable now. Is actually going to happen. Which is rather terrifying but very exciting at the same time.


Italian awaits me.

I am generally

a very happy person right now.

also

there's less than four months left
i don't know whether i'll be ready for such a big change, hopefully going to the place i love most in the world, but doesn't make it any less scary

but, life is generally good, working hard but i'm hoping it will pay off :)
hoping for lots of happy times ahead
and with a 20 week summer i think there's going to be plenty of opportunity

it's strange how

the people i know best
are the people i understand the least
and yet
it seems like i understand them better than they understand themselves